On Comfort in Chaos

Confession: I'm a quote-collector. I love reading quotes and songs and prayers from other people because I can always find one to describe how I feel at any given moment - usually more eloquently than I could express it myself. My best friend and I started sharing a document of quotes a long time ago which has now grown a bit out of control. In college, I had post-its all over my desk with quotes I had found - I suppose I'm a bit of an old soul because it took me a while to realize I could keep them electronically instead of sticking them all over creation.

If you read the paragraph I posted yesterday about transitions, or if you know me at all, you already know that I'm in a transition-phase in my life. I thought this would end when I finished my "first year out of college," but alas, here I am and I'm still in transit.

I realize that we never really stop transitioning. There's always somewhere to go and something to learn. I don't ever want to reach a point where I've "arrived" and can't grow any more. Life happens when we're stretched and pushed past our limits and out of our comfort zone. Sure, it's scary, but anything less would be dreadfully boring, and I don't want to live a boring life. I'd rather be uncertain and a little nervous but challenged and surprised at how far I've come when I look back.

This philosophy has been drilled into my head and my heart for as long as I can remember. My dad always reminds me that even when things are hard, I'm doing well because I'm growing. It's become a joke in our family that we're always "doing so well," but I think there's truth in it - it just depends on our perspective. When we're going through challenges and transitions and pain, we can't recoil and hide from it because then we're running away from our potential. I'd rather put on my big girl pants and face whatever is happening so I can learn as much as possible.

Of course, this is much easier said than done. I know myself well enough to be able to admit that yes, I have moments where I want to curl up and hide from the world (don't we all?), but that can't be a permanent state of being. I don't want to be timid. I don't want to stay inside my comfortable bubble and miss out on life at the edge. We all have that natural hesitation when it comes to facing challenges and pain, but pushing through can only make us stronger and I think that's what God wants for us. It's not that He likes watching us struggle, but He knows the rewards are so much greater when we're challenged - He knows our potential and wants us to realize it too. And in all that struggle, we seek Him more fiercely and are able to see His power (2 Corinthians 12:9-10....amen) and love in our lives. So if I have to choose between my comfort zone with lukewarm love or life on the edge-of-who-knows-what with God's love and strength...I'm sure you know which one I'd choose.

So, back to quotes. I looked through my quote document (I should think of a better name for it) this morning and pulled some that jumped out at me and, spoiler alert, they're all about transitions and challenging oneself. Even if you don't feel like you're going through a "phase" like I am, remember that we always have chances to push ourselves, even if they're little ones. But take them! Try something new and see what life is like on the edge.

I'm also including some drawings from earlier this week - I've found that sketching these images has been my form of retreating into safe territory for a little while (introvert alert) before before facing the world again.

Adventure can expose your deepest thoughts about yourself. You might find out that you’re not as brave as you thought you were. Or, perhaps, just the opposite, that you’re much braver than you ever imagined. Or, most likely, that you’re both brave and not brave. And it’s ok. You’re still standing. You might come to realize that you are incredibly hard on yourself. Far harder than necessary. You might come to realize that you always give yourself an out or an excuse and don’t take responsibility for your life and that’s got to change. You might find out that you have no idea how to really be with yourself. You have no idea how you really feel, what you really want. And, you might also find out what has been the greatest desire of your soul all along. What has always been down there and needed some breathing room to bloom. 

[Leeana Tankersley]

My mom gave me the cutest set of conte crayons this weekend - quick sketches look pretty cool in sepia tones

All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow. 

[Leo Tolstoy]

Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.

[Cecil Beaton]

The original sculpture is Danaïd by Rodin

I have come to realize that life is actually so much more about the process. Entering into the process is nearly always a mess. We will never be able to do things perfectly and glamorously all the time. What we’re talking about here is walking into the mess and being gentle with ourselves as we do so. That’s the miracle...It’s about walking with ourselves into imperfection and, in the face of fear, participating in life. It’s called being brave. 

[Leeana Tankersley]

 

Her eyes are fixed on the floor, but I am sure they do not see it—her sight seems turned in, gone down into her heart: she is looking at what she can remember, I believe; not at what is really present. [Jane Eyre]

Random Tuesday

Get married in Paris. Yes. (via Cup of Jo)

Choose to be on your own team (Gypsy Ink)

Can I be friends with Victoria Beckham? (via Go Fug Yourself)


3 Tips for Living Transitions Well (Darling Magazine)

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change...Transitions are this way. Often all we want is to get out of them, and fast. We want to know what’s ahead, then grin-and-bear until it’s over. Yet the only remedy for a transition is living through it.

And while we're at it, Ecclesiastes 3:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

And finally, here are a few drawings I've done recently - I'm back  to charcoal.

Look familiar? Misery by Jules Desbois

Another favorite, The Embrace by Picasso

Vertumnus and Pomona by Camille Claudel

 

  

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change. - See more at: http://darlingmagazine.org/untethered-3-tips-for-living-transitions-well/#sthash.6yN1LsXN.dpuf

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change. - See more at: http://darlingmagazine.org/untethered-3-tips-for-living-transitions-well/#sthash.6yN1LsXN.dpuf

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change. - See more at: http://darlingmagazine.org/untethered-3-tips-for-living-transitions-well/#sthash.6yN1LsXN.dpuf

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change. - See more at: http://darlingmagazine.org/untethered-3-tips-for-living-transitions-well/#sthash.6yN1LsXN.dpuf

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change. - See more at: http://darlingmagazine.org/untethered-3-tips-for-living-transitions-well/#sthash.6yN1LsXN.dpuf

Life right now: it’s a funny time. Most would call it a “transition period,” but I just want to call it awkward. Or achy, or uncomfortable, or uncertain. This season is a limbo between what was settled and what will be settled. I am waiting for pieces to drift into place, and am wondering how to thrive while still surrendering to the inevitable chaos of change. - See more at: http://darlingmagazine.org/untethered-3-tips-for-living-transitions-well/#sthash.6yN1LsXN.dpuf

The amazing thing about life’s come aparts is that if we’ll keep our eyes open, we just might emerge a truer version of ourselves. - See more at: http://www.gypsyink.com/2013/08/come-aparts-come-togethers/#sthash.VERlNaZI.dpuf

The amazing thing about life’s come aparts is that if we’ll keep our eyes open, we just might emerge a truer version of ourselves. - See more at: http://www.gypsyink.com/2013/08/come-aparts-come-togethers/#sthash.CfCPLflD.dpuf

The amazing thing about life’s come aparts is that if we’ll keep our eyes open, we just might emerge a truer version of ourselves. - See more at: http://www.gypsyink.com/2013/08/come-aparts-come-togethers/#sthash.CfCPLflD.dpuf

The amazing thing about life’s come aparts is that if we’ll keep our eyes open, we just might emerge a truer version of ourselves. - See more at: http://www.gypsyink.com/2013/08/come-aparts-come-togethers/#sthash.CfCPLflD.dpuf

Randoms.

Happy Tuesday sunshine, here is what my last week looked like:

Dinners with friends. Rach left this weekend to start her second (!) year of optometry school. She's growing up so fast.

Siah was my roommate last week - she's wonderful company. Her favorite activities include sitting on Trader Joe's bags, drinking out of (my) water glasses, and helping me make the bed. Dislikes? Closed doors, anyone who is sleeping when she's hungry, and sitting like a normal cat.

I finished Beautiful Ruins this week - I had seen recommendations for it on other blogs and wasn't really sure what to expect. I loved the cover right away...so there's that. Then I found it in a used bookstore and figured I might as well try it - I love any excuse to buy used books. I really enjoyed it though. The format was a little like The Help where each chapter switches to another character's perspective, except in Beautiful Ruins it also goes back and forth in time to pull the story together. Not in a jarring way. I'm not explaining this well, am I? Whatever. It was good - one of those comforting books you read during the summer, you know?

One of my friends had asked me to do some drawings for her. I really like doing these quick sketches on book pages because it doesn't feel as permanent. Like, if I wanted to throw it away, I wouldn't be wasting good drawing paper. Plus the words in the background are more interesting than a white blank page (I couldn't resist).

I'll always love drawing Rodin sculptures (okay, that fourth one is Picasso). I could draw the same one a hundred times and every drawing would look different. Granted, I don't draw them perfectly each time, so you could say that my mistakes just vary, but I like them that way. Anyway, here is the series I did for Laura.

The Little Prince obsession continues...

I realized this weekend that I own five copies of this book. One is on loan to a friend, one is in French (I've translated it for various classes), one is part of a collection of stories by Saint-Ex, and the other two belonged to my grandmother. I'm glad she shared my love (okay, obsession) for The Little Prince. Everyone should read it. It's a lovely story. I mean, how can you not love him when he explains that grown ups just don't understand the world like children do? And he loves his rose. And sunsets. And the lamplighter. Okay I could do this for days, just go read it. Or borrow one of my copies.


In other news:

Look at this painting - don't you love it?? [Cindy Greene Paints]

You're beautiful. [Darling Magazine]

My favorite shade of green [Knit Love, Knit Blue]

Unique world maps? Check. [via Rachel Held Evans]

Silence is powerful. [via Cup of Jo]



xoxo

Be wild, be fierce, be happy.

I took a break from Rodin sculptures...

Desiderata [Max Ehrmann, 1927]

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Finally, A Carousel

One of the girls I work with asked me to do this drawing for her. It took me a long time to actually start it, since I knew it would be one of the more challenging assignments I've done. Plus when I draw for someone else, it's so different because I can't just throw it away and draw something else if I don't like it. SO, that said, I think I'm happy with the result, although I've gotten to the point where I can't even see it as a picture anymore after looking at it for so long. But it's now in someone else's home, so I can let it go!

Here is the original picture I took when I was in Paris, pretty huh? Now try drawing it.

I don't always sketch in pencil first, but I needed to lay out the picture carefully this time

 

Then, because I was nervous to start with the pastels, I tried "underpainting" with colored pencils. Which didn't really do much since the pastels covered it completely, but it gave me a chance to see how the colors would work out.

And now it was just a matter of STARTING. When I showed my mom this picture, she pointed out that I was in the "awkward phase" which made me laugh. It's so true.

Keep coloring, Hil, you'll get there eventually.

So close...

Et voila:

So, it was a good challenge, although the carousel was harder than I wanted it to be. But at least I tried drawing something other than Rodin statues, right?

xo